Modern Compass Newsletter

Hello there,

Consistency is what rewires our inner voice.
It’s how you turn “I can’t” into “I can”—and eventually into “I will.” Each time you follow through even faced with failure, you collect proof. Proof that you're capable. Proof that the next step isn’t as impossible as it once felt. That’s how self-confidence builds: not in a burst, but by repeatably showing up.

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Featured Insight: Consistency, even in the absence of validation, is the key to improving self confidence and inner voice

In Modern Compass I talk about self awareness and self worth are must’s before you really start focusing on self confidence, and here’s a quick excerpt from the book.

“Confidence has taken on many meanings over the years, many think confidence is not caring what others think. There is an element of that, but that’s not entirely confidence. There is good explanation of those concepts of not caring what others think in books like “Let Them Theory” and “The Courage to be Disliked”. Those are both great books if you want to dive deeper into that specific concept, but know "that “not caring what people think” is not how I’m viewing confidence for Modern Compass.

I look at confidence as external validation of applying and doing. Where self worth should be mostly internal, confidence is gained more through interacting with the world. I feel more confident after a few dates, befriending a person, excelling at work, getting a promotion, etc. I feel more confident sticking to workout routine or healthier eating regime. Confidence can be influenced by validation from others, but it’s also about validation for yourself through interactions.

Confidence without self worth though is short lived confidence. We must build up our worth first and once our worth has been established within us, we can start building confidence. In full transparency, while you can conceptually get a better understanding of confidence through this book, it will mean nothing without applying yourself in the world.

There’s research that backs this up too—without a strong sense of self-worth, confidence tends to collapse under pressure.

What often happens is we encounter failure, rejection, or very slow trickle of success and our confidence takes a hit and we push pause on trying. Some are quick to understand this in life and some take longer to pick this fact up like me, but it does not matter whether you succeed or fail when you try something, because if you fail, there is always a valuable lesson that helps us next time we try. There is also the story of reframing failures like Thomas Edison. He says he didn’t fail 1000 times creating the lightbulb, he found 1000 ways it simply didn’t work. The more you can keep dusting yourself off and keep doing and trying things in the world, you will achieve something.

Now we have an understanding of the importance of consistency in confidence and pushing through failures or “way’s it didn’t work”, it’s also helpful to know what are some typical sources of confidence to be mindful of. Some indeed are through validation from others and some never receive any sort of validation. You generally want to strive for a blend of both in self confidence and that’s because 100% on either spectrum can be problematic and I’l tell you why. All confidence derived from others might mean you are doing and living for validation from others, and all confidence built internally is like that singer that say’s they’re great but haven't pressure tested themselves singing in front of big audiences. Here are some examples taken from my book:

Examples of internal sources of confidence

• Mastery of a Skill – Knowing you’re good at something, or becoming highly certified or an expert in a topic of field through schooling or experience. This does require some element of external validation but it should not be rooted externally. We all know of one that thinks of themselves as a great singer, but isn’t really all that good. Nonetheless, value from mastery should be derived from your perseverance.

• Resilience & Problem-Solving – Facing adversity and figuring out solutions builds inner confidence that you can handle future challenges.

• Personal Integrity – Living by your character and making decisions aligned with your beliefs strengthens self-trust and confidence that you will stand your ground.

• Self-Reflection & Growth – Recognizing how far you’ve come in personal development helps reinforce confidence in your ability to continue evolving.

• Emotional Regulation – Managing emotions effectively (rather than being controlled by them) instills a sense of stability and self-assurance.

Examples of external sources of confidence

• Validation from Others – Compliments, encouragement, or praise from friends, mentors, or colleagues can reinforce confidence.

• Social Belonging – Feeling accepted in a group (whether at work, in a hobby, or a community) can boost confidence in interactions.

• Achievement & Recognition – Winning awards, earning promotions, or receiving good grades provides tangible proof of competence.

• Appearance & Presentation – Dressing well, maintaining good hygiene, or having a strong physical presence can influence confidence, especially in social or professional settings.

• Support Systems – Knowing you have people who believe in you, like a mentor, coach, family, or close friend, can serve as an external confidence booster.

The Problem – We want to feel confident, but we often skip the part where confidence is built—not given. Without consistency, we second-guess ourselves. Without proof that we can follow through, our inner voice stays skeptical. And even when we do succeed, if there’s no foundation of self-worth underneath, confidence doesn’t stick—it fades fast.

The Insight – Confidence isn’t something you wait to feel. It’s something you train.
As mentioned above, consistency is what rewires your inner voice from I can’t to I can, and eventually to I will. Every small action you follow through on becomes a receipt—evidence that you’re capable. Over time, and with established self worth, this becomes more durable confidence and changes how you show up, how you're seen, and your persist to keep showing up even without validation. All of it gets stronger the more you show up for yourself.

(Side note: If you’re curious about the role of self-worth underneath all this, let me know. Might be worth dedicating a future issue to it.)

Why then is building confidence so hard? That part is actually pretty simple in theory, because we have to get comfortable being uncomfortable and operating in unknown space. Building confidence requires us to insert ourselves in places we aren’t comfortable with. There’s too much to unpack in this issue with how you break down feeling more comfortable with operating in the unknown but that’s something I can dedicate a newsletter issue to if anyone is interested. From my personal experience, a lot of that boiled down to that self worth work but I’ll give you one example how I’ve connected some dots recently.

Earlier this year I attended my workplaces Sales Kickoff for the 1st time and was asked to present 2 times. 1 for a group of maybe 15 that was a formal sales training session I prepared talk track, practiced for and it went off mostly without issue from memory. The 2nd, I thought was going to be smaller group and pretty informal so I did not practice and had no talk track. To my surprise it ended up being a room of around 50, including a few leaders/peers I work. A bit of anxiety sank to be honest, but before we got started I just said to myself, regardless of how this session goes, my confidence might go up or down from it but it won’t have any impact my self worth, because that doesn’t come from others. That was really all I needed, and I was good to go from there. The session went well, not as smooth as the one I prepared for, but it was fine, and I was approached on the plane on the way back home that someone liked my presentation from the 2nd session, so that was nice. To summarize, knowing your worth can go a long way to give you comfort operating in the unknown.

That’s the other thing that I’ve come to realize too, as adults, we are so busy in the digital age with however we live our lives that people forget performances fast good or bad. What they don’t forget is connection, which that is another topic for another time.

The Action Step – Pick one thing this week that you’ll do for you. Not to impress anyone. Not to prove anything. Just to build that quiet internal self-reliance. Track whether or not you did it. Then ask yourself: What did this change in how I see myself? Self-confidence grows when your actions consistently show your intention isn’t just talk.

Interactive Activity

Quick GenAI Confidence Game.
You’ll face 5 branching scenarios in your chosen area you want to grow in. At each step, you’ll make a choice—some consistent, some reactive—and roll to see if your approach works and to see how consistency builds confidence.

GenAI Activity:

Mental Exercise (light version of GenAI prompt):
Pick one area you want to build confidence in:
(e.g., public speaking, networking, dating, creative work, sales, leadership)

Step 1: Imagine

Picture a simple, everyday moment in that area—then run these two mental scenes:

Scene A – You Show Up Consistently
You do the thing the same way you said you would.
Maybe it’s starting the convo, suggesting an idea, or speaking up. You show up consistently keeping the same approach.

Scene B – You Hesitate or Switch It Up
You second-guess and do something different so while you may not have intended it, you appear inconsistent.

One shows up as conviction and the other as undecided. Think about the different ways you might be doing. I think to some extent we all do a little bit of scene B depending on the scenario but it’s good to catch when that happens and why.

Mini-Takeaway:
Next time you face [your area], show up the same way twice and see if that changes things.

Modern Compass Updates

• Writing - I just finished the Relationship Introduction chapter. It took longer than expected—not just due to life and TikTok efforts, but because relationships are more complex to write about than self or trust. I’m breaking things down into three practical constructs:

  • Types (intimate, friend, family, professional)

  • Modes (how you’re showing up)

  • Depth (the 4 layers covered in the next chapters)

• TikTok has become a fun testing ground for ideas—one confidence video has been especially effective as a lead generator for followers. A small weekly ad boost on that video has helped me grow to to 178 followers in 50 days, so I’m sticking with monthly newsletters while doubling down on what’s working in TikTok. Granted 1 follower in TikTok is not even close to the value of 1 newsletter subscriber, but I’ll take the momentum! 😁 

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